So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
