I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
