Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i drank out of a bidet.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
