woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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