yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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