So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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