we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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