Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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