john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
