wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
