the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
