Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
