I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
