Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
