I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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