Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
