high people should be assigned attendants
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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