WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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