im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Pooping to opera.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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