I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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