I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Randomize
