That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
