I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
my liver is dry heaving
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
