Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
