i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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