i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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