she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
