I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
