I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Drunk is not a location!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
