Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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