I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She swung at the pinata with crutches
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
