Kiss
Puke
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
