Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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