DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
