My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sober January is a disaster.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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