my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
