Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
