I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
