it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
