i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
