I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
