Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
