Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
