All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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