She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
