Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
pray to the hookup gods
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
