She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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