My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
