I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
