I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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