I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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