Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
