i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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