Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
