I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Randomize
