i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
